“Perhaps that's what all human relations boiled down to: Would you save my life? or would you take it?”
-- Toni Morrison, Song of Solomon
"I survived, but it's not a happy ending.”
-- Tim O'Brien, The Things They Carried
◢ Now I'm ready to close my eyes. And now I'm ready to close my mind. And now I'm ready to feel your hand. And lose my heart on the burning sands. And now I wanna be your dog. ◣ Maybe you'll get a replacement, there's plenty like me to be found. Mongrels who ain't got a penny, sniffing for tidbits like you on the ground. ◢ They're taking me down, my friend. And as they usher me off to my end, will I bid you adieu? Or will I be seeing you soon?
◣I fought in a war and I left my friends behind me to go looking for the enemy, and it wasn't very long before I would stand with another boy in front of me, and a corpse that just fell into me, with the bullets flying round. ◢ And as the world comes to an end, I'll be here to hold your hand. Because you're my king and I'm your lionheart. ◣ I'm trying not to move. It's just your ghost passing through. It's just your ghost passing through.
As good as Sebastian was in the military, it did come to an end, and certainly not a pleasant one. With his father's influence, his excuse was simple retirement, at the age of thirty-three. But hidden behind mountains of paperwork that said he had simply served so well, he was excused from further service, likely blocked out in some redacted document (Sebastian hasn't ever gone looking), it mentions he was dishonourably discharged for defecting and acting as something as a mercenary. His father didn't necessarily cover this up for his firstborn, because the idea of his actions getting out into the open would've threatend the beloved family name.
As far as his father was concerned, he had failed spectacularly at being a Moran, and he was quickly 'forgotten' by his family, at least insofar as any kind of financial assistance or Christmas cards were concerned. He was in London, on his own, trying very hard to adapt to a civilian life. He was largely unsuccessful, and his once overbearingly friendly disposition was replaced with something like constant suspicion.
He's been turned into what amounts to an attack dog — one man holds his lead, and that single man is the object of a surprisingly juvenile amount of affection. He wouldn't ever claim he's the boy he used to be, but there's much more of a resemblance around Moriarty — a fact he's certainly not ashamed of, but has long-acknowledged is fruitless and more problematic as it only enables his hellbound loyalty.
doing what is good without bias for or against order;
combines a good heart with a free spirit;
reliable and honorable without being a zealot;
act naturally, without prejudice or compulsion;
represents true freedom from society’s restricitons and a do-gooders zeal;
destruction not only of beauty and life but also of the order on which beauty and life depend.
"the free spirit"